I Don’t Like Swimming with the Sharks

As much as I love writing, I’m still afraid at times. I’m afraid that I’ll fail to write something meaningful, except perhaps to me, and no one will ever read. I don’t like rejection, but it is an unfortunate part of life.

Fear of a blank page. Start a story gets more challenging each time. I look at the blank screen and think “What do I do now?” I don’t feel comfortable writing things that are confrontational I would rather inspire, or teach people than antagonize them. There is more than enough hateful rhetoric out there without me adding to it.

My blogging history is filled with false starts. I swear over and over that I’m ready to turn the corner and focus solely on writing. I can’t focus on politics or the world that was created by those in power.

i am terrified by negativity whirlpools filled with sharks, ready to devour me when I enter the online writing pool. There are people out there whose sole purpose in life is to make others as miserable as they are, and I don’t have time for that nonsense. I have my own life and health to take care o, in addition to being the best partner I can be to Hal.

This is my life, and I’m tired of wasting it by responding to how terrible the world is. The narrative that we are expected to live by is poisonous to individual freedom and creativity. My personal feelings influence no one but myself. Falling into anger and depression and frustration only hurts me. I’m tired of fighting the system that creates an environment of fear, paranoia and hatred.

I reached a point where things had to come to a full stop. I threw out my story backlog because they all focused on the negative aspects of life. I blocked all the news apps that I followed compulsively.

My personal self-realization journey is ongoing. Each day I uncover different layers of myself that I kept hidden for so long that I forgot they existed. My senses are energized by these discoveries. I got a manicure for the first time last week, and I decided, on the spur of the moment, to get my nails painted for no other reason than self-expression.

Update: no loonger paint my nails. I might in the future, but for now I stopped.

Finding my comfort zone hasn’t been easy, and I’m not sure I’m there yet. The only way to find out is to keep writing. I also found the will to eliminate people who seek nothing more than to sow hatred and division.

Jumping in the water and writing is the only way to get over my fear of people rejecting my writing. I feel better after completing this story. I hope you enjoyed it, and I’ll keep on writing.

Be kind to each other.